I don’t buy Starbuck’s coffee, but . . .

. . . I hang out at their stores. It’s a nice comfortable environment with clean bathrooms where I can wash my underwear and socks in the sink, electrical outlets to charge my phone and free wifi. Plus, the staff is always nice and welcoming, and never say anything to me when I take food out of the trash cans. As a bonus, the progressive pussy hipsters who do buy coffee there tend to be easily intimidated into giving me a buck or two, or sometimes even give me their coffee and danish. I just take a swig of Colt 45 malt liquor I hide in a paper bag, move to a nearby table and start breathing on them. Starbuck’s has made my life easier. God bless Mr. Schultz.

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